The website for Stop Mandated Shunning explains what this is.
What is mandated shunning?
Mandated shunning occurs when an organisation forces its members to ignore and isolate former members, due to ideological or theological differences. Mandated shunning even prohibits simple social gestures, such as saying “hello” or sharing a meal. This practice is commonly used by high-control groups to deter members from leaving the group or challenging its practices.
Some groups who practice mandated shunning are Jehovah’s Witnesses, Ultra-Orthodox Jews, Exclusive Brethren, Amish, Bahá’í Faith, and Scientologists. Membership in just these six organisations numbers in the tens of millions worldwide.
Mandated shunning is a fundamental violation of the principles found in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. However, it escapes prosecution because legal professionals are deceived into thinking that shunning is a personal decision instead of an enforced organisational practice.
On July 5, 2025, at the ICSA (International Cultic Studies Association) conference in Montreal, Canada, Drs. Savin Bapir-Tardy and Windy Grendele presented their initial findings on their research into the impact of mandated shunning on survivors of many different groups (Mandated Shunning in Faith-Based Communities: Building a Multi-Perspective Framework for Understanding and Intervention). I was honored to present a small part on the impact of Mandated Shunning on its victims.
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Imagine for a moment, a time when you lived with a small circle of family, or friends, or in a group. Everything you knew about the world around you came from these people. You trusted them, so you believed them. There was no reason not to. You did everything together. You believed in the same things. You knew and understood the rules of the group, knew what to expect. In fact, you could not even begin to imagine what life would be like without them. You trusted every person in the group. Life was good. There was safety there. Your future life was yours, if you remained in the group.
But there was danger. Doing anything that would exclude you from the safety of the group was unthinkable. Being excluded was considered akin to a death sentence. Like the child who is entirely dependent on parents to stay safe, you continue to believe that you are safe but only if you remain within the group. You have listened to the stories for years about those who leave or are forced to leave and the dire consequences that befell them. Drugs, unwanted pregnancy, disease and eventual death, or taking your own life due to depression and loneliness. Outside the group there is only death, sooner or later. There would be no eternal reward. And you listened to this message for years, for some their whole lives, hundreds of times. Safety is only here with us.
And then something happens. Either you are removed from the group because you broke a rule, or you chose to leave. How do you feel? What do you think? What will happen to you?
Identity
These groups have an identity. The members share that identity. You are first and foremost one of them. You are nobody without them. You will die without them. And now you are no longer one of them.
Your identity is gone.
Family
All your family might be all in the group. Your family is told to shun you, to have nothing to do with you. You are dead to them. No calls, texts or visits. You could be in the hospital, and no one will come. A parent might die, and you may not find out until months later.
Your family is gone.
Friends
All your friends are gone. No one will drop by for a coffee. They may cross the road if they see you on the street. Or walk out of a store if they see you there.
Your friends are gone.
Beliefs
Everything you believed is gone too. Nothing makes sense anymore. This was not supposed to happen. One belief of many groups is that those who leave will have terrible lives and die with no hope for whatever comes next.
What you believe is confused. Your future is gone.
Voice
Your voice is gone. You feel ashamed. Isolated. You have been warned not to talk to members. But you have also been under a life-long edict to not talk badly about the group. That includes, police, counselors, lawyers, anyone who might help you. So your voice is gone.
So, who are you now? Once everything is taken away, WHO ARE YOU?
Rejection vs mandated shunning
It is one thing to have a falling out with a friend and realize it wasn’t much of a friendship, and it is time to let it go. But it is a very different thing when everyone who was close to you is ORDERED to stop speaking to you, calling or texting you, or have any kind of association with you. People you love and who still love you. If they break this shunning rule, they risk having the same thing happen to them. You may have even done this to others and been too scared to break the rules. Mandated shunning is harmful on both sides. Parents lose children they are ordered to shun. You are coerced into turning your back on friends and relatives. Everybody suffers from mandated shunning.
Mandated shunning amounts to an emotional, psychological, spiritual rejection and abandonment and for some, a physical rejection on a scale that is traumatic in every way. For many younger people still living with family, they may come home to find all their belongings outside the door. I know some people who went home to find their spouse gone with the kids or to find their bags outside the door. No explanation. This is brutal.
Mandated shunning alters every relationship you have, even the one you have with yourself. All your beliefs, actions, behaviors and emotional responses to life, from the people you associate with, to the information you get, and the experiences you have, help form your beliefs about who you are in the world.
Losing everything and everyone in your life amounts to a social death. The person will often experience traumatic symptoms, complex grief and loss of self. They need help.
Needs
Some will need housing, education, employment. If still a minor they will need protective services. Legal services for married people to deal with separation and possibly child custody may be needed. Medical referrals may be needed due to abuse issues within the home and to deal with physical or mental health issues. Referrals to all these services should be considered when beginning to work with clients.
The issue of parental alienation of minor children may need to be considered. It is bad enough for minor children to see a parent leave home or confusing if they see the changes in the parent’s relationship, but to add to that confusion by turning one parent against the other is inexcusable. Children have a legal right to access to both parents unless the courts remove that right, most often due to abuse issues. But that isn’t the case here. The congregation or group leaders determine whether a person can remain in the group, but it is the spouse often with the encouragement of the group leaders, who determines access to the children without going to court.
For minors who are removed from the group but are too young to throw out of the home, there are special rules regarding communication. They are permitted to talk about anything not connected to the group. However, since their whole lives center around the group, normal communication can become stifled. And the child is expected to attend church or meetings where they will be ignored by everyone.
Therapeutic needs
Figuring out who you are, who you want to be and starting a new life is a monumental challenge at any age. The assistance of well-informed therapists can really help their client to find the assistance and services they need and begin the process of building a life they can be proud of. Referrals to legal, medical and social services for educational, financial and work training may be needed. And should be investigated during intake or as soon as these issue are revealed.
Challenges
Many clients will not be able to express what has happened to them. Many have been taught that you never say anything negative about the group. They still believe that and other instructions they may have been given. When they start therapy they may be blaming themselves for the difficulties they are having instead of placing the responsibility where it belongs. Unfamiliar with talking about feelings, they may not be able to identify the complex nature of their experience and the wide range of feelings they have. Helping them to identify their feelings can get the process moving forward.
Many have spent their entire lives being told what they should think, say and do. Helping them to learn how to prioritize their needs and work towards goals can lay the groundwork for them to take what they learn in the office and apply it in their daily lives. They need to know that therapy is more than just the time in the office. It is a training ground for how to make decisions when they step out of your office door.
| If you have not completed the survey or shared your story please go to their website. https://stopmandatedshunning.org/ |  Stop Mandated Shunning An initiative by the Open Minds Foundation |